my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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