Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
