They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
