When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
you made out with another girl for some wings
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
