Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
