I CAN MOONWALK!
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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