paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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