Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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