...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
not ubering you a puppy
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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