so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
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it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
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Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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