guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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