My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
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I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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