who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
