i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
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