I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
