If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
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