I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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