Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
