Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize