It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
