all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
