Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
