Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
