the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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