Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
