I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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