So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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