Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
