My boss' voice literally gives me gas
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
