We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
