he confused my yawn for an orgasm
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My ass is underappreciated
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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