i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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