Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
