my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
