Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Randomize