A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
