I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
