Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
The Olympian is in my bed
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
