just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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