I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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