woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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