Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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