1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
