there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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