I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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