do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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