NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
