I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
