Fuck appropriateness.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
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