I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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