Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
