Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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