this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
