Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
