I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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