Only a mothe r could love this liver
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Randomize
