Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
my poor anus
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
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