cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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