Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
