Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
