i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
