The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
