This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
