Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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