a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
