I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
