Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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