Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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