I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
