I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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