Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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