one two three fourrrrnication!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
