New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will pee on everything he values.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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